Reflections from a grieving heart

I recently lost a very close member of my family.

My Aunt Bonnie was like a second mother to me and like a grandmother to our two kids. She was there for every event in my life and theirs. She died rather suddenly of a brief illness that has left our family with a big hole.

I just returned from precious time with my extended family as we made arrangements and said goodbye.

For all of us, now is when the real grieving begins.

It’s quiet as we sink back into our routines. We don’t have each other every minute of each day. We aren’t doing something specific to honor Bonnie’s memory. Having tasks helped keep us focused on something other than our pain.

Now we come face to face with our sadness.

Somehow, I don’t think my heart and mind are aligned. My heart feels the emptiness yet my head refuses to accept she is no longer here. How is it I was just talking to her on the phone and now I can’t anymore?

Baffling and heartbreaking all at the same time. Grief is like that.

Sometimes I’m laughing about something completely unrelated and then I feel a sense of guilt for laughing. How can I be laughing when my dear Aunt Bonnie is gone?

A short time later a friend with a warm, loving hug brings me to a full-on sob and I can’t stop it.

It’s the moving waves of grief… they come and they go but are always crashing a little in the background.

So here are a few simple reflections from my grieving heart to those who may be right there with me.

Keep on living. The death of a loved one can make us feel so alone, wondering how the world keeps moving forward and doesn’t stop to recognize our departed loved one. But we must focus on finding joy in each day. Life is good, even when it’s hard.

Cry whenever you need to. Let it out. It’s healing.

Be open when you talk to people about your sadness. You just lost a human being whom you loved. There is nothing stronger in our human lives than love. Love is stronger than death.

If someone tells you time heals everything, it’s ok to feel differently. Your life will never be the same. It’s ok to acknowledge that. Our grief is unique to us. Just make sure if you are drowning in your grief, you seek help.

Be grateful. Remind yourself the reason you are hurting is because you loved so much. It won’t take away your pain or shorten your grieving, but it will redirect your focus. Focus on the positive and all the good in your life.

It reminds me of the old adage, “Do you look at life as a glass half empty or half full?” The minister, in his eulogy at my Aunt Bonnie’s funeral said she was neither of those. Instead, he said she looked at life as a “glass completely full.” Beautiful.

I will miss her giggle, her, “Hi Rae!” whenever she called me or saw me, and the unwavering love she showed me and everyone she encountered.

God speed Aunt Bonnie. Save a place for me.